Read the Psalm 

Desire is the dance partner of disorientation. The pilgrim praying Psalm 120 desires something different than what is being experienced. However, desire can feel a bit daunting. Many of us have learned to ignore or suppress desire as we find ourselves concerned about disappointment or skeptical about ever experiencing or even knowing what we truly desire.

In his book, Befriending Desire, Philip Sheldrake gives this helpful counsel:

“Desires haunt us. You could say that desire is God-given and, as such, is the key to human spirituality. Desire is what powers our spiritualities but, at the same time, spirituality is about how we focus our desire. At the heart of Christian spirituality is the sense that humanity is both cursed and blessed with restlessness and a longing that can only be satisfied in God. It is as though our desire is infinite in extent and that it cannot settle for anything less. It pushes us beyond the limitations of the present moment and of our present places towards a future that is beyond our ability to conceive.”

The pilgrim in Psalm 120 desires something different than what is currently being experienced. Those around them are deceitful and for war as they find themselves desiring peace. We often discover we are in similar spaces, seemingly far from home. This is truly the nature of life … the tension between pain and pleasure, knowledge of evil and knowledge of good, darkness and light.

God invites our desire. In fact, the most common question that Jesus asked in his interactions with people was: “what do you want?” (John 5:6; Matthew 20:21, 32; Mark 10:36, 51) When He met the man born blind, He said, “Do you want to be healed?” With the James and John, He said: “What do you want me to do for you?” It is quite curious that Jesus asked these things because, of course, He knew what they wanted, both because He was God the Son and because most often it was visually apparent. So, why did He ask? It wasn’t for His own information. It was about the heart of the person being asked. Jesus desired that each person would get in touch with their heart, their desire. Jesus desired deeply that we have a relational interaction of the heart rather than a transactional interaction to simply get a desired result.

Saint Augustine, commenting on the Psalms, made the observation, “the Fathers of the church say that prayer, properly understood, is nothing other than becoming a longing for God.” So, if we feel a sense of longing, we are praying. Our hearts and souls cry out to God in longing and desire – whether we are consciously directing that longing to God or not. We may not have ever thought about it this way, but to have desire is to acknowledge that there is a God and that He is good.

Our desires may be misplaced or misdirected, of course, but that does not negate the importance of desire in the first place. Its function is to serve as a homing device that awakens our heart to our creator as well as our created design. When things are not as they should be, desire alerts that there is something more.

We may often experience frustration, anger, confusion, or despair when disoriented, but notice that this prayer leads us differently. While not ignoring any feelings or initial responses, the heart of this psalm is desire, a desire for God. “In my distress, I called to the Lord.” In the midst of disorientation, there is clarity around what is going on … “I’m among peoples that do not speak truth … I am among people who are for war.”

Our response to disorientation and desire determines whether we walk home or seek to find home other places besides our life with God. through fight, flight, or freeze. Disorientation can move us into fighting what seems to bring the disorientation. It may lead us to flee in order to get as far away as possible. Or, we may freeze up and just try not to feel anything at all. 

The invitation of desire is to cry out to God, to ask Him for help. As we do this, everything is put into perspective. Our vision is sharpened, and we begin to see how God is with us, even in disorientation.

In Backpacking with the Saints, Belden Lane offers a helpful description of desire: “A holy desire isn’t a warm feeling that sweeps you off your feet. It is a discipline, something you choose. The greatest desires are beyond fulfillment. They thrive on the wanting itself. The desolation of ‘not having’ simply enhances one’s patience in waiting.“

Reflection questions: What might it look like to choose desire? How do you see desire for God settling you and beginning to reorient you?

Prayer: Lord, I choose You. You are the One who is with me and satisfies me in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Help me to live in that awareness today. Amen.