desert direction

Week 5 | Sit: From Shame to Solitude

Most often, we struggle with shame because of hurts and wounds we’ve experienced. As children, we are wounded and conclude that “something must be wrong with us.” Our wounds become interpreted as our identity: I am not enough. I am not lovable. We also wound others. If we do not move toward repair with God and others, we may respond out of an unhealthy shame rather than a holy guilt. 

As we consider ways that we seek to be celebrated by others, it leads us to consider what wounds we are trying to cover up. Addressing wounds and false beliefs paves the way for living in our belovedness. We are invited to look into our pain, not away from it. In Falling Upward, Richard Rohr comments that “we cannot heal what we do not acknowledge.” And, as is often attributed to Carl Jung, “What we resist persists.”

Healing and resting in our belovedness with Christ comes as we connect the dots between our past wounds, hurt, and neglect to our current struggles with shame.

Again, shame tells us that we don’t measure up and don’t belong. These messages are unbearable, and we instinctively try to cover them up. We see this first in the the temptations in the Garden of Eden. Initially, Adam and Eve “were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:25). After they sinned against God, “the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked” (Genesis 3:7). Rather than go to God with the wound they had inflicted upon themselves, they hid, covered, blamed, and lied about what happened. Shame entered the equation.

Whether it is our sin or sin inflicted upon us, the methods of covering shame are the same. Can you see ways that you try to deal with your shame in order to counteract the messages that you don’t belong or are not worthy of love? Do you see ways that you try to distance yourself from those feelings of shame?

Do you tend to look outward to find a covering for shame, or do you turn inward? As we become aware, rather than feeling shame about our shame, we can let the awareness turn us toward Him – stepping into His gaze. In the gaze of God, we find repair because of forgiveness offered in grace. A key feature of the Lord’s Prayer is, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us.” This covers both elements of how we may experience shame.

As we sit in His gaze rather than wallowing in shame, Psalm 34:5 reminds us: “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” This is the truth as we receive our belovedness – we are able to release shame, and our faces reflect the glory of the One who gazes upon us. 

In Romans 5:1-5, the Apostle Paul describes the dynamic of being in Christ by referring to shame, as well as to the deep, expansive love of God:

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

While the world around us seems to live according to an economy of shame, God’s kingdom runs on hope, which never puts shame on us. His love has been poured into our hearts. As we become aware of the ways we seek for others to fill our hearts, we can rest from all those efforts. Eugene Peterson translates the last part of Romans 5:1-5 like this: “We can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!”

Today, simply sit in the awareness that shame is not something God puts on you. He covers shame and repairs through forgiveness. As you notice any way that you seek being the beloved from others, gently let it go and hear the Father say: You are my beloved. Rest for a few minutes. As thoughts come which might distract you from His presence and love, simply return to hear His voice of love.

Prayer: Father, thank You for Your grace which covers my shame. Thank You for forgiveness which heals hurts and opens me to Your grace again and again. Amen. 

Week 5 | Sit: From Shame to Solitude

As Jesus transitions from talking about anger and control, He begins the next part of the Sermon (Matthew 6:1) with the word “beware.” Pay attention. Consider. Again, Jesus invites us to look at our hearts and not our outward actions, but the inward heart motivation that Jesus’ brings to our awareness. Specifically, He addresses the second area of temptation from the wilderness: shame. 

Just as there are ways that anger functions in a healthy way in our lives, shame also has a healthy expression. Brene Brown contrasts the healthy versus the unhealthy expression as guilt versus shame: “Guilt says, ‘I did something bad.’ Shame says, ‘I am bad.’” With guilt, we acknowledge our sin and seek to repair but does not attack our identity. Brown goes on to suggest that unhealthy “shame is the intensely painful feeling that we are unworthy of love and belonging.” Guilt is temporary so that repentance and repair can occur, but shame tends to be a persistent belief that we are fundamentally flawed and bad.

We have a God-designed need to be seen and known. This need can morph into a disordered desire to be celebrated. This is what Jesus invites us to consider. In Matthew 6, He gave several examples of ways that we may engage in spiritual practices (giving, prayer, fasting) “in order to be seen by others.” This phrase, “to be seen by others,” is intense because it is repeated four times in this part of the sermon.

One of the results of shame is defining ourselves by what others think of us. Shame causes us to see ourselves as rotten, wretched and unworthy, so we look outside of ourselves for the love and approval we need. This can lead us to over-performance, perfectionism, and people-pleasing. Or it can lead us to withdrawal, self-condemnation, and depression.

As followers of Jesus, we may been taught that we are wretched sinners with a caveat that God still loves us. Because of this, we often are not able to access our belovedness. Sin and sinfulness are biblical concepts, but they are often over-emphasized and made central to human identity. This may lead us into an unhealthy sense of shame rather than a holy sense of guilt. 

Our core identity (think Genesis 1-2) is that we were made in the image of God. We are loved and lovable. Because we may have received toxic teaching and been in families of origin where belovedness was not at the center of identity, we may see God’s love as conditional: If I do the right things and say the right things, I can feel good about myself. Additionally, we may use spiritual practices to give us a (false) sense of love and acceptance. 

M. Robert Mulholand, in Invitation to a Journey, suggested that this “religious false self is perhaps the most insidious form of the false self because it can use all the right religious behaviors and language while remaining untouched by genuine transformation.” Jesus challenges us to be aware of this in our lives.

How do you see shame at work in your life? Are there ways in which you feel fundamentally flawed or that you do not belong? Do you see habitual patterns of people-pleasing or self-condemnation?

We may look outward to cover our shame or we may wallow in our shame, but the invitation is the same. Notice the dynamics that Jesus shares in Matthew 6:2-4:

Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

• We tend to try to find our worth and value outside of ourselves. 
• When we do this, we may receive that “reward” but we miss out on the experience of being seen (living in the gaze of God).
• We are invited to step into the secret place and experience the reward of being seen as the beloved of God.

Over and over, the phrase, “your Father who sees/knows” is repeated by Jesus (6:4, 6, 8, 18). Our Father sees. He knows. Accessing our belovedness begins here.

When we try to find our belovedness outside of God’s gaze, we are never fully satisfied. We stay in an endless cycle needing to do more to provide the little bit of satisfaction we so desperately want. The spiritual practice of solitude places us in that secret place. Jesus expands on this with the invitation to go to the inner room of our heart for prayer. Our need to be seen is met by His gaze, and we must be by ourselves to experience it. It can be difficult to let go of the voices that tell us we’re fundamentally flawed, but letting go happens as we return again and again to the gaze of God.

Sit alone and quietly in His gaze. Ask the Father to help you let go of the other voices and ask Him for the awareness of His voice that says, “I see you. I know you.” 

Prayer: Lord, help me. I want to live in Your gaze and hear Your voice. May I let go of defining myself by what others think. May I rest in being Your beloved. Amen.

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

Surrender requires vulnerability and openness. We need practices which slow us down and give us space to feel the real vulnerability that marks our lives. In the ancient times in which the Scriptures were written, it was counter-cultural to suggest taking a day off with no work. In an agrarian society, people worked hard growing crops and raising animals. Taking a day off could mean getting behind. But, taking a day off also meant trusting that God could and would hold things together while resting in His care. 

Sabbath-keeping is one of the ten commandments given to God’s people in Exodus 20:

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor, and do all your work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, you, or your son, or your daughter, your male servant, or your female servant, or your livestock, or the sojourner who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested on the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy (vv 8–11).

There are more details about honoring a Sabbath day than any of the other commands, and it is the one that we may find most difficult. Perhaps, that is why God said more about it. And perhaps, it is much more important than we’ve considered. A time of Sabbath (or, refraining from work) is when we intentionally put ourselves at the mercy of God’s action. We are trusting Him to take care of things while we rest. Certainly, Sabbath is about resting our bodies but it is much more. It is about trust and opening ourselves to God in vulnerability.

If we can wait a day to tend to our work, then maybe we can wait for Him in other areas of our day to day lives. Sabbath is a contemplative practice which Jesus embraced as it was embedded in the fabric of first century Jewish culture. For us, it is difficult and we may have more in common with those first people to whom the command was given.

We are free to practice this holy rest on whichever day and for whatever amount of time as we abide with God. However, we need to have periods of Sabbath each week. The longer, the better. 

What might this look like for you?

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

In Abandonment to Divine Providence, Jean-Pierre de Caussade wrote, “What God arranges for us to experience at each moment is the best and holiest thing that could happen to us.” This is quite a statement of trust in God’s shepherding of our lives. We are often so tied to outcomes and preferred futures that it is difficult for us to see His presence in the moment. 

In our human finiteness, we cannot see the fullness of where things are going and how our Shepherd will unfold the future. While we have personal agency and control over some things, having any kind of ultimate control is an illusion. Since this is the case, what does it mean that God is in control?

The reality that God is sovereign and “in control” is most often misunderstood and frequently used in “spiritual bypassing.” How God can be sovereign and still allow what we experience is a mystery. We get into trouble when “understanding” Him is our goal. Spiritual bypassing is the other end of the spectrum. In this, we might disengage emotionally and mentally and simply say, “I trust that God is in control” as a shallow response intended to protect us from angst. In reality, if we are paying attention, what we see and experience shouldcause some tension. This tension is not meant to be resolved, but to draw us to God’s heart and surrender to Him.

As we surrender to Him, we have hope.

When we hope that all that seems to be out of control is going somewhere and there is an unfolding plan, we can rest. Hope is a confident expectation that God is present, He is at work in us and around us, and He is leading us somewhere good. Hebrews 6:19 paints a beautiful picture that hope is an anchor for our souls. It grounds us and gives us the space in which to surrender. Notice the context of these words:

Hope is more than intellectual assent when we go into the inner place – the Holy of Holies – which is the presence of God. Our tension and angst is not resolved by understanding the concept of hope, but as we experience it in God’s presence. Indeed, He is our hope. As we connect with Him, our hope is rooted in Him.

Romans 8 expresses this truth profoundly in the context of creation and the hope of renewal:

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Romans 8:18–25

We groan, we hope, we wait. This is the rhythm of surrender. We do not try to resolve the groans. We do not despair. We do not react. We consent to God who knows us and loves us. We live hopefully in God’s gaze. Julian of Norwich wrote, “All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.”

Hope is experienced as we release our self-protective strategies. Are there ways of interacting with an out-of-control world that you are being invited to release? Are you trying to understand that which is mystery? Are you flippantly saying you trust God when you are simply trying to get rid of tension? Sit with these questions for a few minutes and notice what the Lord brings to your awareness. 

Prayer: Father, You are my hope. Today, as I feel the tension and angst of life, help me to enter the holy place of Your presence and embrace hope. Amen.

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

When our bodies and minds perceive danger or instability, we go into protection mode. Our muscles tense, our heart rate goes up, and our minds move into survival mode. Our vision narrows as does our hearing. We see our options as fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. 

With the loss of perceived control, we want to fight (classic expressions of anger), flee (withdrawal) or freeze (turning inward and shutting down). Fawning occurs when we seek to appease or please others to avoid harm. We may have experienced one or all these reactions, and we may feel helpless even if we are aware. 

When we experience chaos and frustration, it can be difficult to move toward God in prayer. Jesus spoke to His disciples on the night of His betrayal, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41). For us as well, we may have a willing heart/spirit, but our bodies and minds do not want to cooperate. Indeed, we may feel powerless to stop the train of temptation while it is moving down the track.

Jesus invites us to watch and pray. The word watch, in this context, means to stay awake. Our bodies can fall asleep both literally and figuratively as we go to our usual habits and patterns of reacting to the world around us. When we are agitated, our bodies need to return to a place of stability so that we can stay awake and pray.

Learning stillness is vital for this contemplative rhythm of surrender.

Psalm 46 paints a compelling picture of perceived chaos and danger,

Do you feel the intensity with which the psalmist wrote these words? It must have felt like the world was falling apart. In addition, we read the words, “The nations rage; the kingdoms totter” (v 6a). Everything is seemingly out of control. The response to all of this is that God is “our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (v 1). The last phrase could be translated as “abundantly present and a help in trouble.” 

These are stunning words and excellent theology. The challenge is that we may have all the right theology, but our body does not believe it. The following words (v 10) are intended to go beyond our minds to a place of dismantling our habits and patterns of reaction. God spoke amid of the chaos with these beautiful words,

Be still, and know that I am God.

The invitation to be still is offered that we might know, or experience, God as our refuge and strength. So, how do we engage stillness? Primarily, it has to do with our bodies. 

Current neuroscience research has demonstrated that what is happening in our body (heart rate, gut feelings, respiratory rate, etc) is communicated to our brain faster than we can form thoughts. In addition, there are more sensory fibers going to the brain from the body than the other way around. What this means is that as we live contemplatively in the gaze of God starts, we start paying attention to what is going on our body. Of course, God created our bodies to recognize helpful and necessary signals when there is real danger, but often the dangers and chaos we feel are more perceived.

In general, stillness invites a slowing down to give space for intentional responses rather than automatic reactions. So, practices like sabbath, unplugging, fasting, and simplifying can help our souls slow down enough to keep in step with the Holy Spirit.

More specifically, in a contemplative practice of stillness, we learn to breathe deeply and slowly as we listen to our body. We find a quiet space where we can notice everything from head to toe and surrender and entrusting ourselves to God. As we sit and observe our body beginning to relax into trust, we then notice what we are trying to control and release that as well. These simple actions open our bodies to surrender.

Take a few moments to engage in this practice. Sit in a quiet space with palms up on your lap. Slowly breathe in and out – counting to four and pausing between the inhale and exhale with a count to four. Scan you body and pray through what you notice. Next, name what you are trying to control. No judgment or analysis. Simply notice. Slowly pray the prayer below. Repeat it several times. 

Prayer: Lord, help me to be still and know. Help me to be still. Help me to be. I release the outcomes. I trust in what You will unfold in my life. Amen.

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

At the heart of the contemplative invitation to surrender is the releasing of control. As anger (in whatever form) arises, we are invited to notice and release any control that we have been seeking. In some situations, this may mean that anger remains because there are some things which should lead us to anger. For example, violence, abuse, neglect, and manipulation should make us angry.

If we can release control as a motivating desire, a pure anger (if any at all) will remain. This kind of anger is righteous because it is not about control, but about advocating. Then, we will know how to find personal healing or bringing justice. But, with that issue of control, how do we release it? How do we let go?

First, we release or surrender as we trust that we are safe in God’s care. Second from that posture, we notice our attempts to control. Finally, we release outcomes, trusting that God has an unfolding plan.

As a faithful follower of Yahweh, Jesus would have prayed the psalms, and it is likely that Psalm 121 was rooted deep within His heart. In that psalm, God is repeatedly called the keeper or guard of His people. This description of God was shared in response to the question, “From where does my help come?” In the midst of chaos and an out-of-control world, we ask that question as well: Who will help me? As we look to God and acknowledge that He is the keeper of our lives and well-being, we find ourselves surrendering to that care. We may have to return to these thoughts repeatedly for it to become grounded in our souls. 

Spiritual releasing is a muscle that has to be exercised to gain strength. Often, our strongest muscles or impulse are related to feeling that we must take care of ourselves. It takes time for those reactionary and self-preserving muscles to atrophy and the releasing muscle to take over. So, be patient with yourself and the process.

The next part of releasing is noticing what to release. In the safety of knowing that God keeps and guards us, we can let go of what we have held on to for control. Take a few moments to review the examples that Jesus gives in Matthew 5. Sexual lust (5:27-30) is a form of control because we are trying to secure what we do not have. Even if it is just in our imagination, we may utilize lust to give us a sense of having everything go our way – getting what we want when we want it. Casual divorce (5:31-32) is an attitude of getting rid of what we dohave. The issue of oaths and swearing falsely (5:33-37) is controlling or shaping a narrative in a way that will get you what you want. We are invited to resist and turn the other cheek (5:38-42) which reveals that often our hearts want revenge so we can make sure things turn out fair and equitable. Finally, the encouragement to love one’s enemies (5:43-48) counters the idea that we get to choose who we honor with love. We are invited to love all.

Do any of these examples resonate? If so, sit with God in prayer – entrusting what you  notice to Him. If not, ask God to bring to your awareness another example in your own life.

Finally, at the center of releasing control is releasing outcomes. Our hearts can become controlling and angry when we want things to turn out a certain way. As we trust that God holds us and the future, we trust Him with outcomes. The challenge is that we often perceive God as slow. Philosopher and priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin wrote the following about trusting God with outcomes:

Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.

The invitation is to trust that God is unfolding a future that can be trusted. Then, we have released control. Consider the following prayer by Steve Summerell:

Prayer: Sit with the prayer above.

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

The Gospel of Mark tells us that Jesus entered into the wilderness. Part of the experience was being with wild animals (1:13). Mark did not elaborate on which wild animals, likely because he knew the we would feel the weight of the statement. On a literal level, there were likely hyenas, jackals, snakes, lions, and wolves. It was a dangerous space in which to be. On another level, we know that Jewish symbolism at the time saw wild animals as representing chaos and evil.

Jesus would have had significant questions: Am I safe? Will I be okay out here? In His humanity, this would have been real. We ask these same questions. We too live in a dangerous world that can feel very much like chaos. When we are in similar situations, we may ask and wonder: Is anyone in control of all of this? Is God watching and caring for what I see in front of me? Is He keeping me safe during it all?

The world certainly does not seem safe as we observe what is happening around us. When we have the feeling of things being out of control or chaotic often, it often leads us into wanting to assert some kind of control. Whether situational (our finances, our work, etc.) or relational, chaos can put us on edge. It is in this place that we are prone to express anger as well as controlling reactions in the world around us.

We may respond overtly or use a more subtle approach, like cleaning the house and reorganizing things to have something that feels like it is under control. So too, we may binge drink or overeat as a way to temporarily mask the pain of chaos.

As we seek to follow the contemplative path of Jesus, we observe that Jesus – even while in danger – was still able to respond in trust instead of react with anger.

Pastor John Ortberg asked the late Dallas Willard to share the one word he would use to describe Jesus. Willard paused for a moment and said, relaxed. In a study of the Gospels, we can observe that Jesus did not run away from danger, and He did not react right away by running toward difficult things that seemingly demanded His attention. When Jesus’ friend Lazarus was ill, Lazarus’ sisters sent for Him to come. Jesus waited two days before going (John 11:1-6). Jesus relaxed into a posture of surrendering to the Father’s plans and shared with His disciples that a plan was unfolding.

The idea of Jesus being relaxed does not mean that Jesus did not experience stress or real suffering. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus faced the reality of the cross. He knew well what was before Him. Instead of trying to control the situation or find a way to run away, Jesus abided with the Father. From the Gospel text in Mark 14:36, we know that His response was to pray and He asked, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” The surrender of His will to the will (and heart) of the Father is astounding. Jesus trusted that He was safe in the midst of danger. He did not shut down or runaway but stayed alert and listening to God the Father. 

The contemplative nature of this prayer is rooted in the first words, “Abba, Father.” This is the first place in Scripture where God the Father is called Abba in prayer. Abba was a Hebrew word, more like Dad or Papa than the more formal “father” of the English language. It was an affectionate term and expressed intimacy. What Jesus had experienced in His own prayer closet (cf., Matthew 6) was displayed amidst great suffering and He responded in trust and loving obedience to God the Father.

The early church understood how “Abba, Father” reflected the uniqueness of Jesus’ connection with God. As a result, in both Romans 8:15-16 and Galatians 4:6-7, we read:

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God. Romans 8:15-16

And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, “Abba! Father!” So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God. Galatians 4:6–7

Read back over those texts again. As our prayers are rooted, by the Spirit, in “Abba! Father!”, we relate to God as our Abba. We rest in the reality that we are children, held close to His heart. God the Father has His unfolding plans which we cannot fathom but as His children, we surrender in trust.

Read back over the verses from Romans and Galatians. Perhaps read them a second or third time, slowly. What do you notice? What is the Holy Spirit bringing to your awareness as it relates to trusting that you are safe?

Prayer: Abba! Father! I am Your child, held by You. Give me the grace to stay in Your loving arms and look at Your face in the midst of the chaos all around me. Amen.

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

“The spiritual journey is a constant interplay between moments of awe followed by a general process of surrender to that moment,” writes Father Richard Rohr in Just This. Another way to describe awe is joyful awareness. As we become aware, surrender is possible. Without awareness, we get stuck in unconscious reactive patterns.

It might sound strange to think that if we are aware of things that need to be surrendered we would be joyful. Yet, if our greatest desire is to live in His gaze then discoveries like this could indeed be considered awe inducing. Anthony deMello observed,

“Awareness, awareness, awareness.
There is only one thing you need — awareness.
Awareness heals, awareness transforms, awareness sets you free.”

If you are becoming more aware of the internal posture of your heart, it is good, holy, and joyful as well as humbling and sobering. Awareness has a way of grounding us and giving us a rootedness that supports surrender.

In Matthew 5, Jesus gave examples of the fruit of a controlling heart. He began with anger and then discussed lust, casual divorce, dishonesty, and retaliation. We are wise to receive His words about these specific truths if they are present in our lives. However, Jesus’ invitation is to stop and look at our hearts – to become aware of controlling patterns and reactions that plague us.

As we become aware of and then surrender control, we step into the gaze of God.

Anger, or control, can show up in a variety of ways. With which form of anger do you most relate? For you, is anger expressed more outwardly? Or, do you relate to an kind of anger that is turned inward? While the more typically outward forms of anger can be easier to spot, anger that is repressed or turned inward can lead to emotional withdrawal, self-criticism, self-harm, or physical symptoms related to our cardiovascular and digestive systems.

Other ways that anger can manifest itself in less obvious ways can include intellectualized anger, shutdown of emotions, and excessiveness busyness. 

Often, we rationalize or intellectualize our anger as being legitimate. For example, we might reason: If only this person hadn’t done ________, I wouldn’t be so angry. Sometimes we may cling to the idea of a holy or righteous anger far too quickly, or we blame another person. As we sit with God, we ask: Is this situation something I should be angry about: an issue of injustice or abuse of power? Or, is it a “violation” of how I’d like things to be? 

We may also experience the effects of anger as a shutdown of emotions. As a result, it is common for someone to say they are not really emotional. Frequently, when we shut down our emotions, this becomes a protective mechanism in our life. Additionally, repressing our anger and emotions can be spiritualized as having a strong faith and even applauded by others.

Finally, excessive busyness can be a cover for not wanting to be aware of what is happening under the surface. It can feel easier to stay busy than to confront an anger or disappointment with life, others, or God.

In trials and difficulties, the half-brother of Jesus, James, offered a simple, helpful spiritual practice:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

James 1:19–20

Even though James invites a response of joy (James 1:2-3), our initial and very human response to a trial is anger. To this, James offers, “be quick to hear” which invites us to be “slow to speak” and “slow to anger.” Whether it is self-talk (Why do these things happen to me? or I can’t handle this) or verbalized complaints, we mistakenly think that talking will get us where we want to go. Awareness is foundational to laying anger aside and walking in joyful awareness. 

Going slow is a contemplative practice that allows us to listen to God – to being aware of what is going on inside of us. If we go fast, it often means that we are reacting out of anger and we have “talked” ourselves into what to do. If we go slow, it means that we can be quick to hear God’s voice in the midst of what is happening.

Spend a few minutes right now and consider a situation that has seemed out of control. In what ways have you been tempted to go fast (toward hasty outward action or to a suppression of feelings)? Prayerfully imagine – with the Lord – what a slow (quick to hear Him) response would look like.

Prayer: Lord, help me to be aware of the ways I engage anger and feel out of control. I desire to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. In Your mercy, I pray. Amen.

Week 4 | Surrender: From Anger to Stillness

After the Beatitudes and other introductory comments, Jesus zeroed in on the heart. In a religious culture where outward practice and adherence to the law was paramount, Jesus knew He had to get past the surface to help people live contemplatively – to rest in the gaze of God. In our world today, we also frequently choose to focus on what is outside of us rather than the vulnerability of an open heart. 

Jesus started with anger in Matthew 5. He addressed murder, lust, divorce, lying, and retaliation with a common phrase, “You have heard that it was said … but I say to you.” Jesus went past the outward action, right to the heart. External obedience, saying the right things, and even believing the right things can be protective measures to keep us from our hearts.

For example, in Mark 10:17-22, Jesus honored the wealthy young man for keeping all the commandments, but He wanted his heart. The Gospel says, “And Jesus, looking at him, loved him, and said to him, ‘You lack one thing: go, sell all that you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me’” (v 21). As Jesus lovingly looked at him, He invites the young man to his heart – to a place of surrender. Jesus lovingly challenged him to let go of what his heart was holding onto, which was wealth, and give Himself to God.

The text goes on to describe the man’s response: “Disheartened by the saying, he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions” (v 22). How often is this our story? Pause for a moment and consider things that your heart holds on to for dear life.

It is Jesus’ love that implores us to let go – to surrender. He knows that life is experienced in the fullest as we live in the gaze of God. When our hearts hold on to things for control, we’ve turned from His gaze.

In Matthew 5:21-22, Jesus exposed the real issue of control which is anger. We become angry when we cannot control things. This is a primary anger. We can also become angry as a secondary response to protect ourselves from deeper, more vulnerable emotions like grief, shame, and fear. This is about control as well. The reality of anger (either primary or secondary) is in all the other examples Jesus brings up in this part of the Sermon. Rather than seeing murder, lust, divorce, lying, and retaliation as a list of things to stay away from, Jesus referenced them more as “examples” of how we can try to control things. 

Jesus started with anger (or, the issue of control) because it is the first line of defense in our hearts. If we release our anger, our hearts open and we can experience God’s gaze in our shame, fears, griefs and our hurts. In the contemplative path of Jesus, surrender is the first movement.

Jesus taught, “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). It was not a new law that Jesus was offering but a pathway to the heart. If there is an issue of anger or control that can reconciled, Jesus invites us to pay attention to our heart. We may come with an outward “gift” for God, but not have an open heart. We may erroneously think that we can shut down our heart in one area and leave it open in other areas. However, Jesus invites us to consider that compartmentalization is an illusion. 

Anger does not always express itself in the stereotypical ways of shouting and fighting. It can also come through more passive aggressive means. The invitation to leave one’s gift at the altar is an invitation to stop – to stillness. From the stillness, we are able to open our hearts to the gaze of God. 

Often, much of what we do in life is engaged as an effort to control outcomes. Anger is a signal to us that something feels out of control. As we experience anger, we are invited to stillness as the psalmist writes in Psalm 46. Against a backdrop of war and chaos, God calls us to “Be still, and know that I am God.I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Being still opens space for knowing God, and this further invites surrender.

Pause for a few moments of stillness. Once you feel your body, mind, and heart relax into the stillness, recall a time in which you found yourself angry. Hold that scenario before God’s loving gaze. Ask Him if there something you were trying to control or perhaps other emotions you were trying to deny.

Prayer: Lord, help me to enter the stillness of surrender. Still my body, my mind, and my heart. Help me to dwell there. Amen.

Week 2 | Connection: In the Gaze of God, Matthew 3

In the wilderness, lurking around every corner are the temptations to go our own way and rely on our own resources and perspectives. Deliverance is also abundantly present. Our good Father leads us into the wilderness not for temptation but for deliverance … deliverance from all those things that direct our gaze away from God.

We need discernment. What helps direct our gaze to the Lord and what distracts us or creates resistance in us?

In the early 1500’s, Saint Ignatius of Loyola formalized a prayer of discernment known as the Examen. It can be practiced in a variety of formats, and the most basic is this:

Traditionally, the Examen is prayed daily and at the end of the day. However, it can be prayed anytime throughout the day. And the Examen can be prayed over any time period (a specific situation, a week, a month, a year). Additionally, the review can focus on noticing a variety of things in our life with God. It can be more general – anything the Lord brings up in our listening, or it can be specific to something like “living in His gaze.”

Seek to pray the Examen daily over the next week with this focus. What is important is to notice and be aware. Notice without judgment. Often. we can live on “auto-pilot” and having an awareness of these things brings them to a place where we can begin to choose with God’s strength and mercy.