desert direction

Desire is a fire that burns in our souls. Desire is that which motivates and fuels us. Vitally important, and yet, we most often live with only a vague sense of how desire works in our lives. Frequently, we long to desire deeply but find ourselves trudging through life, tired and worn down. Or, we find desires in our lives that seem to control us and take us places we don’t really want to go.

Pure, true, deep, holy desire is present in all of our lives. Alan Jones, in his book Soul Making, writes that “Human beings are a longing for God.” The challenge of that statement is two-fold: first, desire is all too often buried under myriad concerns and burdens; second, desire gets misdirected. We misunderstand the nature of our desire and direct it toward things that are not its true target.

When we feel desire, of any kind, we can be sure that buried underneath burdens, sinful patterns, and/or misunderstandings is a desire for God. It has even been suggested that the man who knocks on the door of a brothel is actually knocking for God. And, rather than desire being something to fear, C. S. Lewis famously wrote:

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

In the New Testament writings, we find the concept of lust which is described using the Greek word, epithumia. This word could be translated as “over-desire.” The connotation would seem to be that of a desire which, rather than hitting its target, overshoots and hits a target for which it is not intended. This would nicely explain why lusts (for power, money, sex, etc) never seem to quite satisfy or perhaps only for a season. And, the desire for those things is really a desire for relationship with God, only misdirected.

Whether we understand them as too-big or too-small, the net effect is the same. We have what the ancients called “disordered desires.” Our desires need to be “right sized” and directed well. We can feel pretty helpless. So, what do we do? How do we see our true desires directed by God?

I would suggest four things:

1. Don’t suppress desire. Desire is a beautiful, power thing. When desire is suppressed, it becomes more powerful under the pressure. Pay attention to your desires because they are telling you something. To ignore desire is to let it run rampant in the corners of our unconscious self. Look at desire (holy, unholy, or unknown) and notice what is truer and deeper. Discern how an “unholy” desire is really a desire for God. Brother Curtis Almquist suggests: “Our desires are worth listening to. They do need to be brought into the light. Many of us – certainly I – need help sifting through our life’s desires to see where they need to be deepened or purified, where they are connected to God’s gift of life for us.”
2. Pray your desires. Let God shape and redeem them. In the Psalms, we see our forefathers in the faith wrestling with God in prayer. Some of the things we observe them praying would certainly not be classified as pure desires but it is bringing desire to God that sanctifies desires. “One of the best pieces of spiritual advice I ever received from a spiritual director was to pray for anything that I desired, even if that desire seemed sinful. It was a kind of ‘prayer shock therapy,’ designed to break through dualistic thinking patterns and begin integrating prayer with life as we actually experience it, rather than as we might wish it to be.” (Br. Robert L’Esperance, SSJE)
3. Practice gratefulness. Many of our misdirected desires are the result of jealously and lack of gratefulness. The last of the Ten Commandments from Exodus 20 encourages us to let go of covetousness. Covet is a desire word, and it means that we are desiring someone else’s life. It is perhaps no coincidence that after the challenges to be honest and honor others, the capstone of the ten deals with gratefulness and desire. Arthur Simon shares: “When things are valued too much, they lose their value because they nourish a never-satisfied craving for more. Conversely, when things are received as gifts from God and used obediently in service to God, they are enriched with gratitude. As sages have said, contentment lies not in obtaining things you want, but in giving thanks for what you have.”

4. Practice humility. When Jesus said, “Come to Me” in Matthew 11:28. He shares that life in Him is one of rest. Rest is a place of satisfaction and peace and quiet, even in the midst of life’s storms. I think of Jesus asleep on the boat in the midst of a storm. Jesus said “come and rest” and we find that rest as we learn His way of being which He described as gentleness and humility. Gentleness and humility are perhaps two sides of the same coin. Gentleness is strength under control … we might even say it is desire under control. Humility is the acknowledgement that God alone can direct our desires and strengths. As you experience desire today, practice humility by not suppressing, by praying, and by expressing gratitude. The result? A gentleness that leads to peace and rest!

Think through this list of four ideas … how and when can you practice them today?

Father, so many emotions and desires flood through my heart and mind each day. Desires to honor You and do life with You, and quite often desires to do my own thing or to do the “minimum” rather than entrust myself to You as a way of life. I don’t want to hide anything from You. So, give me the courage to talk to You about the desires of my heart even when, on one level, I don’t want to. Give me the wisdom to see how any desire is truly a desire for You. Give me the eyes to look at life with gratitude. Humbly, I accept my life as it is, not as I might like it to be. You are enough. Amen.

Identity is a huge topic of conversation in our world today. Confusion related to racial identity, sexual identity, gender identity, and national identity top the headlines. For some observers, these issues aren’t confusing at all and angst arises that confusion is expressed or suggested. However, for all us, we can struggle with the issue of identity. Who are we, really? What makes me who I am? We can identify with all kinds of things, whether acceptable or forbidden in our culture or sub-culture, and still miss our true identity.

I may identify as a husband or lawyer or biker. Someone else may identify related to their sexual orientation or their lack of having a spouse or their gender. Another may identify with their economic status or race or nationality. All of these may form a part of our self-understanding, but they are not the core of who we are. Whenever we build our sense of core identity on what we do, our circumstances, or even our own self-perception, we will invariably mistake or obscure our true identity.

In 1^st Century Greece, Paul of Tarsus proclaimed in Athens that even though we might have confusion, our true identity is actually closer than we might think:

Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring.” (Acts 17:27-28)

A few months ago in a conversation with a new friend, this new friend related a story about someone who shared “I am a ______________.” The blank was filled with a description of something related to behavior and perhaps desire. His simple response back was: “No, you’re not … you’re a child of God.” Every human who walks the face of the earth was created by God and this is why Paul could state “we are his offspring.” This is our created design, our core identity … God’s child … His beloved son or daughter.

What if that was the fundamental lens through which we saw everything else? We might know that there is a Father, but it isn’t always our experience. More often, we look at life as though we were orphans, doing our best to forge our own way in this world … without a name, without resources, without a Father. When the perspective of the orphan is ours, we adopt lesser identities as our primary identity and they can’t bear the weight. They may be destructive identities or untrue identities or perhaps accurate identities but not our core identity, and then, confusion and frustration consistently fester.

Seeing ourselves as a child of God gives us the perspective and the power to interact with any other identity which might be a part of our lives.

In Galatians 3, Paul also shares this perspective about core identity when he writes:

“For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.” (Gal 3:27-29)

Being male and female or slave and free are not unimportant but they are not core. Only when we see our lives through the lens of Christ can we make sense of being male or female. In a world where slavery was an ingrained part of the culture, the only hope for a shift in the enslaving mentality was to appeal to a deeper sense of identity.

In his excellent work on contemplative prayer, Into the Silent Land, Martin Laird shares a beautiful and poignant illustration of how this can work in our lives:

“The marvelous world of thoughts, sensation, emotions, and inspiration, the spectacular world of creation around us, are all patterns of stunning weather on the holy mountain of God. But we are not the weather. We are the mountain. Weather is happening – delightful sunshine, dull sky, or destructive storm – this is undeniable. But if we think we are the weather happening on Mount Zion, then the fundamental truth of our union with God remains obscured and our sense of painful alienation heightened.” (p. 29)

As we fail to interact with the weather appropriately, we end up making t-shirts or starting clubs that distract us from deepest reality. One of the amazing things (among many) about Jesus when He walked this earth is that He rarely got off message. His focus was the heart and directing people to live from the heart based on their core identity. People often criticize that Jesus didn’t talk about this issue or that issue, assuming that His silence is implicit approval of said issues. However, His seeming silence is best seen in the context of His affirmation of the theological emphases of Scripture which are simple summed up as “love” (Matthew 22: 37-39). Love of God and others directs us back to core identity which is indeed the context from which all issues must be viewed rather than getting fixated on the “rightness” or “wrongness” of lesser identities. Jesus trusted that getting grounded in the mountain would give the moorings from which to view all else.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross shares that:

Our concern must be to live while we are alive—to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a façade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are.

The problem is not that we have external definitions but that we become attached to them. They become that core from which we live. So, how do we break free and settle into the reality of our core identity as children of God? I would suggest three things:

1. Acknowledge your propensity for attaching to lesser identities.
2. Release the control that you seek to gain over the lesser identities. Frequently, the storms on the mountain create tension in our lives … we become afraid and confused. We want to control through relieving the tension. Hold the tension before God as an act of prayerful trust.
3. Develop a daily habit of resting in your core identity as a child of God. Allow that to be the place from which you view all of your life.

Brother Geoffrey Tristam shares: “I believe God wants us to practice truly seeing every day. We can, if we desire it, learn to see the presence of God each day, even in the most ordinary things. As we grow closer to God in prayer we begin to see as God sees.” Consider the following as a way to grow closer to God in prayer …

Prayer Practice:

For a few moments, quietly recite the following truth from Colossians 3:2-3 as a reminder of your core identity: “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.”

Next, sit quietly in God’s presence as a child who is fully accepted and loved, not needing to say a word. Envision that you are sitting like a child at the feet of God (or any other image that helps you focus on your core identity).

As your mind wanders to the “things that are on earth” (and it will), simply go back to your mental image of sitting at His feet … resting securely in His presence.

Sit with Him in this way for as short as 5 minutes or as long as 20 minutes. Your mind may get distracted a hundred times. Don’t be discouraged, just let each distraction be an opportunity to return your attention to Him. As you grow in such a practice, it can alter the way you walk through your day.

Repentance is one of those words that gets associated with “off-center” people holding signs while walking downtown: “Repent for the end is near.” It is a word that gets thrown at people who are doing things that other people don’t like: “You need to repent of ______.”

However, repent is one of the most beautiful words in the world. From its usage in the Biblical text, the Greek word is metanoia which basically means “to change the mind.” It’s a beautiful word because it means that someone, by God’s common grace on the world, always has the opportunity to change their mind – to see things differently – to take God’s perspective on a matter. I love it because it means that redemption and change are always possible. If we open ourselves to God’s grace and presence in our lives, repentance is a beautiful reality every day. And certainly, we are in need of changing our minds about something every day … we are all in process. None of our stories have been written to the last chapter. (Note: I realize that metanioa has further implications as well … implications which get beautifully messy. For this discussion, I desire to focus on the simplicity of our perspective being redirected and refined which is the foundational idea of repentance).

As we look at the world around us, we very quickly notice that there are a variety of perspectives on almost every situation imaginable. There is very little consensus. How we engage with the differences is vital. Certainly, there are differences which are inconsequential: who is the greatest basketball ever? Or, what is the best ethnic food? There are other differences which have much more, and often ultimate, consequence: is there a God? Is a certain lifestyle appropriate? Does everyone go to heaven? Is there a life after this one?

When there are true difference which have to do with ultimate reality, the nature of the universe or our identity as human beings or the existence of God, the need for repentance is a very real possibility. A change of mind can be a beautiful thing. If I am on the “wrong” side of a situation, the opportunity to change my perspective is a true gift.

The way that we often engage with one another when there are differences do not allow for repentance. We attack and critique and judge which frequently keeps us entrenched in our understanding and leads others to a place of defensiveness which means putting up walls and protecting their understanding. Clearly, much of what we are doing on this planet isn’t working which leads me to ask: how does God deal with us? How does He deal with the fact that there are lots of things for which we need to repent (“change our mind”)?

In Romans 2:4, we are told that God’s kindness is what leads us to repentance. What is kindness? The other descriptions in the verse help us. It is also His forbearance, and patience which come into play when we talk about repentance. Forbearance and patience speak of waiting and being slow. All three of these words connote the idea of being lovingly present in someone’s life. The bottom line is that it isn’t attacks or judgmental words that God uses to bring us to repentance but loving presence, drawing us away from ourselves to a bigger, grander sense of what life is all about. We always get small and petty when we get stuck behind our walls of protection, but He draws us out with the glory and beauty of who He is … knowing that our perspectives will change over time as He becomes the defining reality in our lives. This is, however, a process and a journey. We might even give lip-service to things before there is true repentance (e.g., think about things which you publicly profess but privately do not practice). He is patient and slow. This discussion in Romans 2 is in the context of Paul challenging people who were being judgmental. His point? Being judgmental isn’t God’s way, kindness is.

So, I’d like to suggest that we learn to be kind to one another rather than positing our perspectives so quickly and rashly when we find ourselves at odds with another person or viewpoint. We aren’t sure who first uttered the words but I love the sentiment behind:

                “Be kind, for everyone you know is fighting a hard battle.”

The implication is that we are all in process and all of us are struggling through life. If you don’t think you are, maybe pride or blindness is your struggle! None of us have it all figured out. Thankfully God shows us kindness that enables a relationship with Him … a relationship of kindness where we can change and grow over time. God is slow and patient (2 Peter 3:8) toward us.

There are certainly times when repentance is needed, and it will only happen when we lead with loving kindness. The idea of “loving-kindness” relates to a concept in the Hebrew Bible, hesed. God showed hesed  to His people by showing loyal love that resulting in personally pursuing them. When they were “at odds with” and in need of repentance, He pursued them. The prophet Hosea became a living illustration of God’s hesed by “buying back” (redeeming) His wife from a life of utter unfaithfulness. He patiently and persistently pursued the one in need of repentance.

As we live in a world where we experience significant and consequential differences, differences that we believe are ultimate and life altering, kindness is everything! It means that we open ourselves up to others personally and not making them a punching bag for our own views and perspectives, however “correct” those views may be. It also means that we humbly pursue their perspective, opening ourselves up to their world and understanding their experience. Jesus is the most amazing example of this as He took on human flesh and experienced all that we’ve experienced.

Ponder these few examples of what interacting with kindness might mean:

1. Lead with questions, acknowledging that we don’t know someone’s story. Perhaps, our questions will help unearth something not previously considering by the other person. Perhaps, our questions will cause us to rethink our understanding of things. Asking questions is always better than making statements.
2. Go slow, knowing that there are a lot of things we do not know. The Bible does not answer every question. The Bible leads us to “fear God” (fear is respect, honor, love) which is the beginning of knowledge. Note: the beginning, the path, not the end of the destination. We always live with a degree of mystery this side of eternity.
3. Give space for God to be the ultimate source of kindness and therefore repentance. How? Through listening. A Mennonite pastor, David Augsberger said, “Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.”
4. Pay attention to your own heart and emotional reactions to a difference in another person. How is your reaction getting the way of kindness? Acknowledge it and through the Holy Spirit, let go of that reaction.

Father, may we show others the same kindness that You show us. Give us strength, wisdom, and patience in the name of Jesus and through the Holy Spirit. Amen.

For the last several centuries of human history, we have collectively believed that knowledge is power. If we just know more, it will solve our problems. A popular, award-winning public service commercial underscores this belief with the tagline, “The More You Know.” Is the idea even true? Is it true practically? Is it true philosophically?

The modern results of having more knowledge would seem to say that it is not true. We have more knowledge today than at any point in human history and wars still rage in horrific ways. The epidemic of people hurting others is just that, epidemic. More knowledge has not helped us learn how to love more fully. It has not given us peace or joy or anything else that makes life worth living.

Even well-meaning churches have embraced the idea by suggesting that knowing more of the Bible (i.e., getting more knowledge) is central to spiritual maturity. To be sure, knowledge is a necessary thing, a good thing, but it can only take us so far. And, it can give us the illusion of being in control.

The ancient Hebrew text of Proverbs suggests a different kind of knowledge … a genuine “knowing” that is best described as wisdom. Wisdom is an experiential knowing that enters mystery and infinite realities with a humility that does not have things all figured out. Intellectual knowledge says, “I know what is going on … I can accurately assess the situation in front of me.” We label things and describe things, but then we are left without wisdom.

Intellectual knowledge, data, tends to work according to the principle of either/or. Something is either “this” or “that.” It is either good or bad. It is either right or wrong. It is either black or white. This kind of thinking is very helpful when it comes to fixing an engine on an airplane. It is necessary when it comes to mathematics. It is vital to understanding morality and logic. However, as Jacques Ellul said, “Christianity is not moral, it is spiritual.” His assertion is related to this distinction between knowledge and wisdom. Wisdom is relational. It happens when our “spirit” is walking in unity with the Holy Spirit of God. Knowledge can give us categories but not relationship.

And so, when it comes to the matters of the soul and love and relationships, something more is needed. A deeper knowing, a wisdom, is vital because it allows us to live in the midst of the paradoxes and mysteries of life. Wisdom, a true knowing, allows us to live according to the principle of both/and. Most things in life are not either/or, they are both/and.

Knowledge puts a “period” at the end of our evaluations and judgements. Wisdom inserts an “and” that leaves things open-ended … open to God’s perspective. Knowledge says that there are right and wrong answers to absolutely everything whereas wisdom says that we need to listen and be open to God’s leading, direction, and perspective. Simple things can be answered by knowledge, but that which is most significant demands wisdom.

Several months ago, a friend challenged me to quit using the word “but.” His reasoning was simple and profound. The idea is that when we use the word “but”, we are not accepting reality and life as it is. The use of the word “but” serves to protect us from holding what may be harsh realities with an open heart. When we protect ourselves this way, we are closing ourselves off to God and how He is involved. In the same way, the use of a period can say, “this is what it is” and nothing more.

The use of the word “and” opens possibilities and the potential of wisdom as a genuine kind of knowing. Psalm 62 says, “for God alone my soul waits in silence.” The use of the word “and” opens us up to God as we wait for Him to finish the sentence.

So, we might say, “I am so angry at my spouse, and I don’t know how to respond in love.” Or, perhaps, “I’m so angry at my spouse and I love her/him deeply.” Or, “I’m so angry at my spouse and I desire to forgive.” Using the word “and” opens possibilities bigger than the present moment. This suggests it is only as we stay in the present moment with the word “and” that we develop wisdom that will take us peacefully into the future. For some this might appear to discount the anger and lead to a fear of not working through issues regarding anger. Both realities can be true “I am angry at my spouse and I love her/him.” The anger remains present, undiscounted and in need of resolution. So, resolution is possible because the anger is mine. The anger in this instance is mine not my spouses. I can change my response. The word “and” helps make that distinction very clear.

For me, this has been one of the most difficult challenges I’ve ever taken and I’m still working through it months later. Why has it been so difficult? Partly and perhaps mostly, it is habit. And, it is a habit solidly ingrained because the used of “but” or the insertion of a period helps me shape reality in my favor and gives me a sense of control.

Wisdom emerges when we jettison the use of periods and “buts” in favor of the word “and”. The phrase, “it is what it is,” has become a very popular away of addressing hard things. In one sense, this is putting a period at the end of the sentence. It is often a very simple way of discounting reality and my response to it. I am beginning to believe that a better way to address reality is to say: “it is hard, and …”

A few examples of how this might work:

I just lost my job, and the Lord is my shepherd.

I am struggling with that some old sin, and God is so gracious to me.

I have a handicapped child, and God is at work in my life.

I feel alone and lonely, and I know that God will meet me in this place.

Consider how the use of a period or the insertion of “but” shapes thinking in the sentences above.

Practice:

Think about your day.

Bring to your awareness the circumstances and situations you are encountering

State the reality of your situation followed by “and.”

Sit with the Lord and ask Him to complete the sentence in your heart.

Allow the word “and” to become a way to open yourself to God and His goodness in your life. And, to be clear, this puts us in a very vulnerable state before God. And, to be vulnerable before Him is the best place to be!

Thanks to my good friend Michael Donnelly and author Richard Rohr for prompting my thoughts and reflections in this area.

But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead.” Matthew 28:5-7

“But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall.” Malachi 4:2

As the sun rises with healing in its wings,

As night turns to day, I am once again reminded:

I cannot make the sun rise, but I can enjoy its gifts.

All is grace. All is new. All is complete.

Nothing to prove. Nothing to gain. Nothing to do.

Finally, at rest, I can die and every day be reborn.

As the sun rises again tomorrow, may I be awake to receive it.

Reflection: Resurrection. Joy. As the sun rises each day, we are reminded that He has risen. The darkness of night has succumbed to the power of His light and life. He has overcome death and all that death includes: separation, fear, loneliness, anger, hopelessness. Paul wrote, “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” How are you enjoying the life of Christ now alive in you? Paul suggests that faith is central. Do you believe? Not that just He has risen, but that He has risen in you! He is alive and at work in you!! This is the joy and hope of Easter. He is at work. You might feel sad and alone and hopeless, but truth is that He is present and active and alive in you. Are you trusting that reality? Spend a few minutes today prayerfully bringing doubts, fears, hurts, and confusion to the empty tomb & tell Jesus that you trust Him.

Prayer: Jesus, there is so much death around me, but I know You are at work. I know and trust that the resurrection has unleashed a new principle in this world … a new principle in my life. When I feel despair, I know that You are still at work unfolding a plan that I might not see for a while. When I feel alone, I know that You are present. When I feel the disappointment of another plan thwarted, I remember that You have plans that are better than what I could ever dream. Jesus, thank You for entering this world and suffering death so that You could bring life. Thank you for entering my life so that death would no longer be my master, but You … my King, my friend, my Lord, the lover of my soul. Amen.

“Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real, and eternal.” John 12:24-25 (The Message)

The ashes just sit here.

Something turned to nothing.

The darkness enshrouds.

What I could see is no longer visible.

Empty. Alone. Desolate.

I remember His words about life coming from death.

Just words. Happy words for someone else.

Not interested in losing, I believed another story.

Could it be true? Is it possible?

That this, this, is the soil in which life grows?

Reflection: A.W. Tozer said: “To do His supreme work of grace within you He will take from your heart everything you love most. Everything you trust in will go from you. Piles of ashes will lie where your most precious treasures used to be.” Imagine the desolation of Jesus’ followers on that first Holy Saturday. Everything for which they’d hoped lay in a pile of ashes. It is often far too difficult to put ourselves in their shoes. We know the story: Sunday is coming. In fact, it has come and we live under that glorious reality. However, there are certainly places in our lives where we are living a “Saturday” existence. Hopes, dreams, and desires have been stripped away. We wonder if things will ever change or be renewed. Think about a situation, or situations, like that in your life. Ask the Lord to bring something to mind. Perhaps, in trying to be courageous, you’ve lived in denial about losses in your life. Take a few minutes today and hold the ashes before God in prayer. Tell Him that you want to believe that He is at work. Entrust Your heart to His “supreme work of grace.” Be open, honest, and brutally real with Him. He wants your heart … that’s what He is graciously transforming.

Prayer: Father, the ashes in my life are numerous. The darkness that I often feel makes me wonder what You are doing. I am tempted to just not think about any of it. I don’t want to think that You aren’t good. I don’t want to believe that pain and loss are a part of how I truly grow in grace. Today, give me the courage to stay in the pain I feel so that I can entrust it all to You. I want to believe. I want to trust. Thank You for patiently staying by my side through it all. Thank You for loving me so much that You let me experience loss. I know that is true … let me experience it today. Amen.

And they brought him to the place called Golgotha (which means Place of a Skull). And they offered him wine mixed with myrrh, but he did not take it … and it was the third hour when they crucified him … and when the sixth hour had come, there was darkness over the whole land until the ninth hour. And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” … and Jesus uttered a loud cry and breathed his last. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom. And when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that in this way he breathed his last, he said, “Truly this man was the Son of God!”  Mark 15:22-39

The dark clouds set the scene

As my heart is stripped bare by this harsh landscape.

My attention drawn. My intention simplified. My passion purified.

The sound of a hammer pushing a nail

Through something indiscernible if not for the cries.

My mind wants to look away

but my imagination had been altered.

You can’t unsee some things.

My mind says “Run! Protect yourself!”

but my heart is drawn to just be with Him.

My mind seeks to analyze the significance

but my heart desires to simply follow.

My mind assures me that I’ll be ok

but heart tells me I’ll never be the same.

As my heart turns pale from being laid bare,

my mind succumbs and finally sees that all things …

every last drop of creation pales in the comparison.

Reflection: See the scene in your imagination. Allow your heart to take it all in. Be careful not to let your mind take over, trying to make sense of it all or sanitizing things to a level that you stay emotionally strong. Watch the scene and let the Holy Spirit minister to you. Is there a way you usually view these events? Let it go and let Him minister in a fresh way. Don’t rush too quickly but linger at the cross today and pay attention to what your heart sees.

Prayer: Father, I don’t have words so I simply sit in silence and take it all in …

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” John 13:3-9

He comes quietly, patiently …

Clothed as a servant.

Constant, but never dominant

As He calls out our true name.

Evoking, but never provoking

For our souls are timid.

Desiring, but never demanding

That we love Him in return.

He comes vulnerably, willingly …

Clothed as thirst.

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Will I drink? Will I let Him love me?

Will I let Him touch those places

in me that are dirty, dusty, calloused?

Will I meet His vulnerability with my own?

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When we surrender to love’s call,

The soul is unshakeable and ready …

Reflection: Are there places in your life that you’ve withheld from Jesus’ touch? Perhaps, you intellectually acknowledge His washing and forgiveness, but you haven’t let Him speak truth and love to that part of you. Peter’s response is often our own. We can simply jump up with the desire to get busy serving God, when He clearly desires to serve us … to love us, to minister to us. We can only truly love when we’ve received His love first. Confession of sin is a conversation … not simply a sorrowful acknowledgment which head hung low. He desires not to simply cover over things but to wash them … to get to the core of us and speak love and healing and hope. Will you take a few minutes today and ask Him to search your heart and tell you where He wants to love you? Wait and listen. Then, ask Him what He wants to say to you about that area of your life.

Prayer: Father, all too quickly, I want to jump up and get busy when my vulnerabilities are exposed. When you give me eyes to see those broken places, I often go back to old patterns of making myself feel better. Today, as I hear Your gracious call, give me the strength to stop and let You love me. In this moment, protect my heart from shame and pride so that I may simply enjoy the reality of Your love. I am deeply grateful for Your patient, persistent pursuit of me. Today, may I slow down and let you catch me … at the depths of my being. Amen.

Now when Jesus was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, a woman came up to him with an alabaster flask of very expensive ointment, and she poured it on his head as he reclined at table. And when the disciples saw it, they were indignant, saying, “Why this waste? For this could have been sold for a large sum and given to the poor.” But Jesus, aware of this, said to them, “Why do you trouble the woman? For she has done a beautiful thing to me. For you always have the poor with you, but you will not always have me. In pouring this ointment on my body, she has done it to prepare me for burial. Truly, I say to you, wherever this gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will also be told in memory of her.” Matthew 26:6-13

Beauty draws out my heart.

The extravagance levels me

And calls me to more.

Beauty mirrors grace

And reveals my insolence.

My complaints are really fear,

Fear that my heart might spin uncontrollably

Toward the gravity of His love.

Calculations end where love begins.

Reflection: How do the “practical” issues of life keep you from fully embracing and trusting Jesus? How might the fear of losing control be the deeper issue? Prayerfully and imaginatively put yourself into the scene described in Matthew 26. Be an observer to the perfume poured out … what are you feeling? What do you notice? How does this “beautiful thing” draw your true heart out?

Prayer: Father, I realize that I am powerfully drawn to live a life of extravagant abandon. I desire deeply to live in the freedom of a life in which you are my one motive, my true center, my all in all. Yet, I have fears that often emerge as finely crafted statements of sensibility. I talk myself out of trusting You on a regular basis. Thank you for your patience as You wait for me. Today, may I wait for you … trusting You above the clamor of what is expedient and efficient. Give me ears to hear Your call above all else. Amen.

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 22:34-40

“Just tell me what to do,” we say.

Looking for the simple, easy answer.

He smiles and goes past action to the heart.

Listen as He tells another story through

A coin or a fish or a tree.

All things His canvas,

All times at His disposal.

Listen as He speaks to your soul,

Unmasking, uncovering, unraveling.

Quiet the noise so He can do His good work …

Undoing us so that we can be … with Him.

Reflect: How often do you think, “God, just tell me what to do”? He rarely answers this kind of question because it misses the point of our existence. On Tuesday of his final week, Jesus taught extensively to the crowds, responding to questions that were intended to trap Him. The noise of our lives keeps us living on the surface where we want to control through actions and taking charge. Jesus speaks to the depths of us where we desire the simplicity and purity of life with Him. How might you stop today and quiet all the noise of your life and your mind? As you quiet yourself, listen to His voice and notice how He calls you away from control to resting in His love.

Pray: Jesus, thank You for not answering all my prayers. Thank You for persistently calling me back to the primacy of love. So frequently, my motive is the easy fix of getting rid of pain through gaining control in some way. Thank You for loving me so much that You wait for me … patiently, persistently, perfectly. Today, may I stop throughout my day to let go of the noise and be quiet with You … listening to Your voice and finding rest … the rest of knowing that I am loved and secure. And, may that love lead me to love You as well as loving those around me. Amen.