desert direction

When we encounter deep longing for connection and love, we need discernment … especially as it relates to the sexual temptation which can be present. We need to be able to understand the processes and patterns that shape us and direct our thoughts and behavior. In addition, our discernment needs to be grounded in an experiential relationship with God. In his book, Discernment, Henri J.M. Nouwen offered: “God has created you and me with a heart that only God’s love can satisfy. And every other love will be partial, will be real, but limited, will be painful. And if we are willing to let the pain prune us, to give us a deeper sense of our belovedness, then we can be as free as Jesus and walk on this world and proclaim God’s first love, wherever we go.”

In most of our communities of faith, we are familiar and comfortable with the idea that we are in a relationship with God. And we are likely not resistant to the idea that God loves us. However, we may have little to no experience actually encountering the love of God as more than an idea or theological truth. The love of God contains implications, in terms of truth and ideas, that are incredibly compelling and even helpful for framing things and developing an understanding of God and our lives. At the same time, the love of God is something to be experienced in such a way that we don’t just say “God’s loves me, this I know,” but “yesterday, God loved me as I sensed His presence during my time with a friend” or “God said that He loved me this morning in my time of listening prayer” or “I didn’t know what to say in a meeting yesterday. I paused and listened and heard a still small voice reminding me of something.” When we are experiencing God in an interactive way, His love becomes a part of our lives in more ways than simply a truth perspective.

When we are experiencing and listening to God throughout our day, we are being transformed by His love. The primary word in the Hebrew scriptures for love is the word hesed which speaks of loyalty and connection. In Psalm 103 and 117, we read a description of this hesed: “great is His steadfast love toward us.” The wordgreat is a word that means “powerful” and is often translated “prevail.” The idea is that His love is not just a powerful idea but has a real, shaping power in our lives. How exactly does this work? 

We are shaped by our attachments. As we understand God’s love as an attachment kind of love, we can rightly assert that His love is powerful. In his book Renovated, Jim Wilder writes: “in the human brain, identity and character are formed by who we love. Attachments are powerful and long lasting. Ideas can be changed more easily. Salvation through a new, lasting attachment to God that changes our identities would be a very relational way to understand our salvation: we [are) both saved and transformed through attachment love from, to, and with God.” What is being highlighted, with the help of neuroscience, is that we are brought into a relationship and held in that relationship because God has attached Himself to us. Then, as we actually live in that relationship, we are being loved by God and becoming attached to Him. 

This is why Paul was so concerned about sexual immorality. The relational processes that create bonding and attachment are enhanced significantly by the sexual experience. Chemicals that wash over our brain as a result of sex supercharge the bonding process. And that is a good thing – a gift from God. However, when that bonding process is mixed with false beliefs/false gods, it can wreak havoc. And, if the bonding process occurring in sex is ripped apart by casual sex or not in the context of a covenant relationship, it does damage to our attachment capacity. Trauma, addiction, and other kinds of relational hurt can affect our capacity as well.

In the coming days, we will explore more about finding healing and restoration where damage has occurred. For now, let’s stay with the reality of God’s attachment love toward us. In Psalm 63:1, 3, David wrote: “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.” There is a connection between our longings and steadfast love (hesed) being better than life. Do you see an experiential connection to this in your life? Not, do you believe this? But, are you experiencing this? Sit with this reality and this question for a few moments. What do you notice? What is God bringing to your awareness? How is God shaping your understanding of His love? What practical implications are you noticing?

As you experience a longing for connection, it is important to discern several things. First, it is helpful to discern and distinguish when we experience this kind of longing that only God can fully meet … so that we can name it and not just respond mechanically. Second, what are the ways that you tend to respond to the longing for connection and attachment? What might it be like to develop a habit and pattern of bringing those longings into a prayerful awareness with God? 

In this context, Henri Nouwen shared: “The real work of prayer is to become silent and listen to the voice that says good things about me. To gently push aside and silence the many voices that question my goodness and to trust that I will hear the voice of blessing – that demands real effort.” Take a few moments and ask God to bring your longing for connection and attachment to your awareness. What questioning voices come to your awareness? Gently let them go and stay present to how God wants to connect with you. Notice His voice and presence with you.

Being established and renewed in the love of God does not happen overnight, but through consistent, patterned response to our longings for connection. Then, God becomes our all and the foundation from which we encounter all other relationships.

Question for reflection: how is God speaking to you? If you haven’t already, sit further with the questions above. 

Prayer: Lord, I desire to know Your love – not just intellectually but in my bones. I desire for You to be the one to whom I am attached before all others. May all other relationships flow from the love I experience with you. Amen.

As we explore the next account of Israel’s time in the wilderness, we move a bit deeper into trust as we examine the issue of intimacy. The word intimacy itself elicits various emotions and thoughts. Perhaps fear and confusion or perhaps longing and anticipation. Maybe curiosity. No matter your initial response, may you grow in your responsive to the Lord’s invitation to move from isolation to intimacy.

Once again, in the wilderness, the people of Israel struggled to trust God with their hearts … to follow Him in the dry, desolate desert. Specifically, Paul alludes to an episode from Numbers 25 as he challenges the Corinthian believers with: “we must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and twenty-three thousand fell in a single day.” (1 Cor 10:8) Before looking at Numbers, it is helpful to understand that the religious climate of Corinth in the first century included worship of false gods that mixed worship and sexual expression. In Corinthian temples, worship which included sex with prostitutes was a temptation and was seducing followers of Christ. 

In Numbers 25:1-3, we read that something very similar occurred with significant consequences: “While Israel lived in Shittim, the people began to whore with the daughters of Moab. These invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods. So Israel yoked himself to Baal of Peor. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Israel.” The word “whore” in verse 1 and “yoked” in verse 3 speak to the sexual immorality that was occurring, and it was occurring in a religious context. The people were attaching themselves through ritual, sexualized worship of false gods.  

Before you tune out and wonder about the relevance of a discussion like this, hang in there for a few more minutes. While there is much that could be said about the context and design for sexual activity in general, the specific context in both 1 Corinthians and Numbers is worth noting. What is being addressed is the mixture of sexuality with worship. Again, you may wonder about the relevance. Certainly, in today’s world, we don’t seem to be tempted in quite this same way. However, the connection with worship might actuality be pointing to something more significant about sexuality than we might perceive at first blush. In fact, understanding the link with worship might open our eyes to the beauty and gift of sexuality in transformative ways.

 If we look at the broader context in 1 Corinthians, we see that a discussion of sexuality is laced throughout the pages of the letter. In particular, 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 uses the phrase sexual immorality (as in 10:8) several times and also draws some helpful distinctions that can help us see the relevance to our lives:

“’Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food’—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Never! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”

Note the statement: “food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food.” This was a common saying in that first century context, and a metaphor for saying “It’s a natural function of the body to engage in sexual activity.” The response was not to say that sex is unnatural or not a part of our design, but that we need to direct our gaze a bit higher. Our bodies and sexuality have to be understood in the context of our relationship with God. Specifically, our body is designed to be enjoyed and experienced “for the Lord.” Even more specifically, our body is a temple (a dwelling place) of the Holy Spirit. Our body is a place designed to glorify God. 

To glorify something is to extol its essence. To glorify God is to bring honor to who He is. Another way we might say it is that to glorify God is to reflect His image, His essence. Our bodies were made to reflect His essence, and, of course, there are so many things we could say about the essence of God but perhaps the most relevant in this context is the connectedness of God. God, existing in three persons – Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, lives in eternal relationship and connection. This is why we can say that God is love. (1 John 4:8) What all of this points to is that perhaps the most significant way to glorify God is to experience a connectedness in our bodies. The immorality of the ancient people of Israel is that they were connecting/attaching with false gods. God desires that we connect with Him. 

In the wilderness, as we look for comfort, love, and connection because of the disconnection and isolation we feel, the temptation is to look toward sex to dispel the disconnectedness. However, immorality results because this reverses the order of divine and human relationships. The sexualized worship of these Biblical passages presents a pattern which is all too common in our world today: use sex to attempt to find intimacy and ultimately become connected to something other than God. The divine pattern is finding intimacy, love, and connection with God which becomes the context for all other relational connections with others. When our experience of love is rightly ordered, sexuality (and really any relational connection) is a beautiful gift that points us back to the love of God and is also an expression of God’s love.

So, our exploration this week is an invitation to search our hearts … to examine our feelings of disconnection and isolation and also to consider how intimacy finds its fullest realization. How do we bond with God in ways that are a fulfillment of our created design?

Questions for reflection: what is standing out to you in this movement from isolation to intimacy? Are you noticing any resistance to exploring the issue of intimacy?

Prayer: Lord, I acknowledge the messiness and confusion that often surrounds sexuality. Give me ears to hear what You desire to say to me this week and provide deepening insight into the ways that my body can connect with You. Amen.

On Sundays, we are invited to pause in order to remember God’s goodness and His work in us on the journey thus far. In Isaiah 30, we read: “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Notice the ways that God is leading you into deepening rest and trust.

Use the following to engage in a time of examen prayer:

• Begin by quieting your heart before God and simply taking a few deep, slow breaths as you remember that you are in God’s presence. 

• Review the week with gratitude. What is the Spirit bringing to your awareness?

• Notice the ways that God has been present to you in the previous week.

• What are you thankful for? What might God want you to see that you didn’t previously notice? Perhaps a place to repent?

• Select a part of your reflection from the week to pray over.

• Pray for the coming week.

Write out a prayer of thanksgiving and celebration as you look back and look forward.

Would love to hear how God has been using “Trusting God in the Wilderness” so far in this Lenten season! Share a reflection by emailing me at ted@tedwueste.com

Over the last week, we have examined the ways that idolatry might be present in our lives. Rather than understanding idolatry as the worship of something physical or external to ourselves, we have looked at the ways that idolatry is primarily an issue of the heart. Idolatry occurs as we rely upon things (including ourselves) to provide things that only God can provide. We were made for Him and we are His (Psalm 100). Idolatry is not merely a sin against God. It is a sin against ourselves and our created design.
 
In the wilderness, we are exposed. We experience an emptiness, nakedness, and vulnerability. Christ offers Himself to cover and protect us. This is why we read in Romans 15: “put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.” In the desolation of wilderness, we become aware of all the old clothing that we put on to cover our nakedness and shame. We see more clearly and sense the invitation from God to: “put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires … and put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” (Eph 4:22-24) A clothing metaphor is used here and in other portions of Scripture. Clothing serves a practical function – it covers and protects, and it also has an identification aspect – it signifies who we are. We generally choose to wear clothing that fits – both our body and our identity. 
 
For Adam and Eve, when they became aware of their nakedness – they picked up fig leaves and began to hide – hiding not only their nakedness but hiding themselves from God. (cf. Genesis 3) The tragedy of the false self is that we think we’re covering and protecting ourselves (and in a sense we are) but more than that we’re hiding ourselves from God.
 
In so many ways, this is an unintended consequence. As we worship (give ourselves to) the gods of the false self, we are hiding from God because the attention of our heart and mind is on what we do, what we have, and what others think of us. 
 
Over the centuries, there have been those who have intentionally inhabited a desert space. Commenting on the motivation, Belden Lane observed: “The desert monks were hardly naïve despisers of culture. What they fled with greatest fear was not the external world, but the world they carried inside themselves: an ego-centeredness needing constant approval, driven by compulsive behavior, frantic in its effort to attend to a self-image that always required mending.”  (The Solace of Fierce Landscapes)
 
As we choose to abide in the wilderness, even when our entry was not a choice, and intentionally remove the clothing of the false self, we pick up the clothing of God’s presence, provision, and proclamation. He is our covering, our protection … our identity. Wilderness is, in this sense, a deep grace … a gift that we couldn’t receive any other way. It is a gift that we could never imagine or even know how to ask for. The movement from striving (what the false self demands) to rest (what God offers in true self) is not something we achieve, possess, or earn. In fact, those are the strategies of the old clothing, the false self. This rest is something we receive as gift. It is something that we enter into as we are aware. 
 
Thomas Merton offered a perspective on the wilderness that roots us in the gift that it truly is: “The Desert Fathers believed that the wilderness had been created as supremely valuable in the eyes of God precisely because it had no value to men. The wasteland was the land that could never be wasted by men because it offered them nothing. There was nothing to attract them. There was nothing to exploit. The desert was the region in which the Chosen People had wandered for forty years, cared for by God alone. They could have reached the Promised Land in a few months if they had travelled directly to it. God’s plan was that they should learn to love Him in the wilderness and that they should always look back upon the time in the desert as the idyllic time of their life with Him alone.”
 
Our task in the desert is to stay awake and alert in order to be aware of the invitations. An ancient story illustrates this beautifully. An apprentice asks his spiritual master about the value of spiritual practice. “What can I specifically do to reach enlightenment?” The master responded, “As but as much as you can do to make the sun rise.” A bit perplexed, the disciple asks, “Then, why pray?” “Ah, so that you are awake when the sun rises?”
 
Ah, that we would be awake when the sun rises! That we would receive that awareness of His love and rest there in delight!
 
Consider these words from Psalm 37, “dwell in the land … and befriend faithfulness … delight yourself in the Lord … be still before the Lord … wait patiently for Him.” Sit with those words for a few moments. What stands out to you? How is the Lord shaping your heart right now?

Question for reflection: how are you waking to the Lord’s love and activity in your life?
 
Prayer: Lord, by Your mercy and through faith, may I be awake to Your love and the ways You are shaping me in this season. Give me the wisdom and courage to release the idols to which I tend to cling … that I might attach more fully to Your heart. Amen. 

In the wilderness spaces of life, one of the distinct features that can arise is loneliness. When suffering, the experience of aloneness can be quite profound. Our response can be either to resist and manage those difficult emotions with our own resources, or to discover how the Lord might desire to be with us in the loneliness and isolation. Loneliness and the feelings of alienation are common human experiences, and for many of us we learned how to navigate them at an early age. We learned how to do things to either get noticed by others or to stay off the radar that could lead to potential criticism. As we continue to consider idolatry, we can make an idol of what others think of us. It can be a place we go to receive what can only come from God.

Henri Nouwen described this clearly: “I am constantly surprised at how I keep taking the gifts God has given me – my health, my intellectual and emotional gifts – and keep using them to impress people, receive affirmation and praise, and compete for rewards, instead of developing them for the glory of God.”

An awareness of this idol often shows up in the solitude of the desert because when we experience loneliness, there is no one to impress … there is no one to put salve in the wounds of loneliness. All the relational props and strategies get knocked away in the isolation of the wilderness. If it is a time of severe illness, we may lose the ability to seem strong or perhaps competent. If it is the suffering of broken relationship or a lost career, we may lose the sense that we are important. The gift in times like these is that we are left with nothing, just us. Just us and God. It may not feel like a gift but … what can emerge is the experience of being enough. Not only that God is enough, but that we are enough. We can stand on our own in Christ. We become deeply aware of our significance, giftedness, dignity, and value that transcends both the affirmation and denigration of others. 

The people of Israel were collectively confronted with a sense of isolation and vulnerability. In Exodus 32:1, the text simply notes that Moses delayed. Packed into that word “delayed” is certainly a sense of loneliness and abandonment. Rather than seeking God in that moment, the people went to what was familiar. As Jesus journeyed through His 40 days, the devil sought to exploit the loneliness and isolation of the desert as he tempted Jesus from the pinnacle of the temple with “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’” (Matthew 4:6) The temptation was to put on a show, to perform … to deal with the isolation by using His relationship with the Father to do a miracle. Jesus simply responds with “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.” (v. 7) In other words, “I am not going to try to get God the Father to show up for me according to my perceived needs, but instead I will trust His love and plans for me.” Jesus modeled rest as opposed to striving. He didn’t need an outside source of validation.

Jesus also modeled this at the cross. In Hebrews 12:2, we read: “who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” On the cross, Jesus hung battered, bruised, bleeding, and naked … executed as a criminal. The loneliness He experienced was excruciating, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22) The mocking, “if you are the Son of God, come down from the cross … save yourself” (Matt 27:40ff), was intense. The shame was quite palpable. Jesus despised (or, let go of) the shame because of the joy set before Him. 

For Jesus, “the joy set before Him” was living into the fulfilment of everything that had been planned for Him. He could let go of the shame (and need to validate Himself) because of what had been promised and proclaimed about Him. For us, in a time of loneliness and isolation in the wilderness, we can also release the shame and trust in what God has said about us. We can let go of people pleasing strategies and rest in the reality that in Christ we are enough. 

We may believe that the promise of an abundant life in Christ is true, and we also might be plagued with the idea that we aren’t the kind of person who could live into the fullness of that life. For the people of Israel, God had promised them entry into a land where they could grow in love and faithfulness. He was also leading them into it. However, we know from Numbers 13:32-33 that they compared themselves to those already in the land and became afraid: “the land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height.” Fear gripped them, and fear is often the companion of the loneliness and isolation of the wilderness. We just aren’t so sure we have what it takes. From that place of insecurity, we can rely upon what others think to fill the gaps. We may try to fill the emptiness with the applause and approval of others. 

As we reflect on this and then release the false self (of what others think about us), we can then remember that in Christ we are complete. The prayer of Ephesians 2:19 (“that you may be filled with the fullness of God”) is a prayer that we would experience what is already true about us. See Colossians 2:9-10, “for in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him.”

Question for reflection: can you see ways that you try to please people or attempt to get people to think about you a certain way? 

Prayer: Lord, I release this idol of defining myself based on what others think. Thank for you taking me into wilderness spaces where I am confronted with this. I desire to experience the reality that I am filled and complete in You. Amen.

Not only does the false self show up as we are tempted to craft an identity around “what we do,” it can also arise as we connect our hearts to “what we have.” Certainly, in the wilderness, so often shaped by loss or lack, we are very aware of what we don’t have. The idolatry of what we possess can be quite deceptive because what we possess are generally good things, needed things. The trouble arises in how we are possessing them.

As the wilderness lays us bare, we become aware that things are amiss and the need for deep soul work is brought to our attention. Our impulse can be to deal with it on our own, to use our own resources to address our emptiness, nakedness, and loneliness. The impulse “to do” or produce is a response to the emptiness (we explored this yesterday), the impulse to “possess” response to the experience of feeling naked, or exposed. Tomorrow, we will explore how we deal with our loneliness through the idol of “what other’s think about us.” All of these are self-protective strategies and time in the wilderness is designed to strip of these things so we will take up what God provides.

First, what are the specific possessions we may use to protect or cover ourselves? It could be so many things: finances, good health, family, nationality, knowledge, relationships, experiences, etc. Let’s pause here for a moment. Do you use any of these “possessions” to cover your shame? Are there other “possessions” the Lord is bringing to your awareness? You might consider what it would be like to lose any of these things. What happens in your heart and mind as you reflect? Do you notice yourself in some kind of discomfort? Is there a reaction of clinging? 

Dismantling the idol of “what we have” occurs as we notice our attachment and clinging, and then trust that God’s provision is enough. Unexamined, our clinging to things other than Christ can function like a computer program running underneath our awareness. Advertisers and marketers know this incredibly well and utilize it to stir a “sense of need” where need does not necessarily exist. The supposed scarcity of things is also something that can cultivate an attachment to things, even a hoarding of possessions.

The challenge for us … do we believe that what God’s provides is enough? Do we believe that life in in Him is truly abundant? And are we noticing when our hunger and need is being manipulated? For Jesus in the wilderness, the enemy came to Him to attempted to exploit the real hunger He was experiencing as He fasted. “’If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.’ But He answered, ‘It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:3-4) Notice how Jesus responds. He doesn’t deny that He was hungry. He also doesn’t deny that bread is something needed for life. He does refuse to trust in His own resources (as the Son of God) to cover His hunger. He also recognized that something deeper than physical hunger was in play: will I trust where the Father has me right now? Jesus’ trust/rest in being the beloved was being tested, as is ours in a wilderness season.

Jesus’s response of not living by bread alone is a quote from Deuteronomy 8:3 and in the verse that follows we find a fascinating statement: “Your clothing did not wear out on you and your foot did not swell these forty years.” It might seem like a meaningless detail. However, the inclusion of this detail, right after talking about the provision of manna and that their lives were sustained by God, points to something deeper than just clothes and good foot health. God was saying, “I took care of you. I provided for you.” As we consider how naked and exposed we feel in the wilderness, God wants to remind us of His provision. In 1 Peter 1:4, we read that in Christ, we have “an inheritance (clothing, provision) that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading.” And then, Peter discusses walking through trials so that our faith is tested. By faith, we trust in God’s provision for all things we need, and then that faith is tested. The prayer of David in Psalm 23 reminds us of this perspective as well … “The Lord is my Shepherd; I don’t need a thing.”

1 John 2:16 calls this temptation to idolatry “pride in one’s possessions,” and it highlights the need for humility. David Benner echoes this: “The way of the true self is always the way of humility. Pride and arrogance move us toward our false self, but humility and love allow us to live the truth of our being.” As we become aware of our need being stirred and directed away from humble trust, we look to God in humility, trusting in His provision. 

So, in contrast to the expression of the false self which is about what we have, the true self rests in God’s provision … receiving His provision as enough. What might that look like for you? How will you release an identity based on possessions and remember that what He provides is truly enough?

Question for reflection: how do you see the false self of “what we have” at work in your life?

Prayer: Lord, give me the wisdom to see Your provision and to humbly trust that it is enough for me. I am grateful for the way that You provide everything I need for a life of godliness. Amen. 

When it comes to the deep soul work of the wilderness, we experience losses that can be incredibly disorienting. The ways our lives have been defined are no longer in place, and the things we thought we knew have been removed. The comfort of knowing what would happen next, even for the people of Israel enslaved in Egypt, was stripped away and replaced with the unknowing/uncertainty of following God in the dry, dusty desert. While it feels harsh, it is love.

In Soul Making, Alan Jones observes: “The task of love is to help us rid ourselves of the exoskeleton, to lay us bare, to set us free. But we love the prison house. The place of bondage is, at least, familiar. Love, then, comes as an unwelcome shock.” We may love the prison house because it gave us a sense of identity. When God rescues us from being enslaved to things other than Himself, He is doing it to bring us back to remembrance … remembering that we are not machines whose existence is defined by how many bricks we can make and how fast we can make them … remembering that we are designed and created to live fruitful lives that spring out of our life with God in which He alone is enough for us. For the people of Israel, they were shaped over centuries to believe that their worth was rooted in what they could do, what they could accomplish. We may find that have we been shaped in similar ways. It may have been family pressures to “make something of your life” or the societal pressures in which we are seemingly always asked, “what do you do for a living?”

As we explore how the idolatry of “what we do” may be present in our lives, we may become overwhelmed. We may react by thinking, “Ok, well, just tell me what to do.” We may desire things to be simple and easy, but the realities of the heart are complex, and we have a relationship with God, not lists of “do this” and “don’t do that.” Dismantling the idols that have become lodged in our hearts takes time, and the impulse to “do” actually reveals a heart that has been shaped in a particular way. This can be part of the attraction of a religious system of dos and don’ts. It doesn’t take faith or trust but simply the either/or of “doing.” We’re either in or we’re out. We either did it or we didn’t. This can be our thought process. While it is not gracious or lifegiving, it is manageable. However, God’s heart for us is not to live a manageable life but a life flowing with goodness and grace that is rooted in relationship. Relationship can feel like a fuzzy word, perhaps even a bit vague. However, if we put it in terms of identity, we can ask: do you see yourself, as your core identity, as a beloved son or daughter of God?

It is interesting to note that before Jesus had done any work or accomplished any ministry, He was baptized (Matthew 3). At His baptism, He heard those words we discussed last week, “this is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased.” Belovedness, relationship, and value do not come as a result of work but should be what lead us into the work/the “doing” of life. Then, of course, the next stop in Matthew 4 was the wilderness temptation where this was all challenged. In verses 8-9, we read: “Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, ‘All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.’” In a very basic way, the temptation for Jesus was to “do” life on His own terms … to circumnavigate the suffering of the cross and go straight to being a king. His “doing” in life, we see over and over again, was shaped by a responsiveness to His Father. In John 5:19, Jesus says, “The Son can do nothing of His own accord but only what He sees the Father doing.” Relationship, connection with the Father, was primary and foundational.

As we are pressed into a wilderness space where we are limited in what we can do and things are stripped away, our prayers can be shaped by wanting to get around the suffering or they can be shaped by resting in our identity as the beloved. The loss of a dream or the loss of ability to “do” can be a deep grace if we are willing to receive it that way. Rather than asking God to get us out of the desert, what would it be like to rest in what is? How might you receive what is as an invitation to press more deeply into your identity as one who is living in a relationship with God?

As we make that kind of choice, we begin to experience that His love is enough … that His presence is more satisfying than anything we might do or accomplish. We are able to say with confidence, “It is not about what I do, but who I am as a son (or daughter) of God.” It is a life of resting in faith and trust rather than striving to accomplish. To be sure, this is not easy. It is upside down from what we have often experienced. Henri Nouwen said it so beautifully, “Jesus’ [life] is characterized by a downward pull. That is what disturbs us. We cannot even think about ourselves in terms other than those of an upward pull, an upward mobility in which we strive for better lives, higher salaries and more prestigious positions. Thus, we are deeply disturbed by a God who embodies a downward movement.”

As opposed to the false self which is about what we do, the true self is resting in our belovedness and actually letting God love us … receiving His presence as enough. What might that look like for you? How will you release an identity based on doing and remember that God is loving you, He is with you?

Notice the way Habakkuk describes resting in faith (the heart of true worship) in the following: “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places.” (3:17–19)

Question for reflection: how do you see the false self of “what we do” at work in your life?

Prayer: Lord, give me the strength to rest in relationship with You. Give me the wisdom to see You and listen to You in the ways you desire to be with me and love me. Amen. 

Idolatry might be most succinctly and helpfully understood with the following: “if I can just do, have, or be this, I will be happy.” Instead of God, what we think will make life work is what we do, what have, or what image we are able to project in the world. Generally, we might not even have the awareness to say it so directly, but this is often what is going on in our hearts.

And when undetected, for those who are in Christ, we can end up putting this “idolatry” into our relationship with God. In a sense, we can idolize God in an attempt to get our own independence and self-fulfillment through what we do, what we have, and what others think of us. Rather than a life of depending on Him/surrendering to His heart, we may view Him as one who can get us what we want. Of course, what we most desire is a life of dependence, but lesser desires are often more intensely at play. 

For the people of Israel, the text of Exodus 32:6 is tragically fascinating. Aaron, the brother of Moses, had just built the golden calf. Then, he pronounced, “these are your gods that delivered you from Egypt,” and announced that the next day they will have a feast to the Lord. The word “Lord” is the Hebrew word Yahwehwhich was the personal name of God. There are two things to note. First, they were attributing their release from captivity to these false gods. Second, they were mixing the worship of those gods with worshipping the one, true God.

Let’s pause right here. Are there ways that you attribute things in your life to yourself? to your hard work? to whatever? Or do you see yourself as completely dependent upon the vine who is Christ? (cf. John 15:1-5) Next, ask God to search your heart. Are there ways that you have combined worship/surrender to God with other pursuits? Again, pause here for a few moments as you listen and explore with God. He is gracious and will meet you where you are.

In Deuteronomy 8:17–19, we read: “Beware lest you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.’ You shall remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you power to get wealth, that he may confirm his covenant that he swore to your fathers, as it is this day. And if you forget the LORD your God and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I solemnly warn you today that you shall surely perish.” It is distinctly possible that we end up worshipping the gift rather than the giver. John Piper challenges us:

“The greatest adversary of love to God is not his enemies but His gifts, and the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth. For when these replace an appetite for God Himself, the idolatry is scarcely recognizable, and almost incurable.” (A Hunger for God)

The temptation of mixing our worship of God with the pursuit of other things also includes a beautiful invitation because when we reflect on how we are tempted to be shaped by what some have called the false-self, we have an opportunity to release and remember in trust and worship. More specifically, the false-self is what we have been discussing: identifying ourselves with three things – what we do, what we have, and what others think of us. We can “use” God to prop these things up. Graciously, God waits, abides with us and beckons us, quietly and non-forcefully, to release and look fully at His provision … to rest in the reality that He is enough.

These three elements of the false-self are the same things that showed up in Adam and Eve’s temptation in Genesis 3 as well as Jesus’ temptation in Matthew 4. For Adam and Eve, it was in the silence and joy of the Garden, and for Jesus, it was in the wilderness. And in both, temptation was presented in the context of their lives with God. Notice the parallels of these temptations:

• make one wise | get the kingdoms of the world | what I do
• fruit is good for food | turning stones to bread | what I have
• delight to the eyes | throw self down | what others think of me

In his book Basking in His Presence, Bill Volkman offers that the temptation contrasted with the invitation is about knowing (possessing) and unknowing (faith). “Like Adam and Eve, we all have been given the same basic commandment: ‘From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat.’ But, like Adam and Eve, most of us continue to make the mistake of choosing to eat of the fruit of the tree of knowledge, or tree of knowing, instead of in faith taking from the Tree of Life, the Tree of Unknowing.”

Can you allow yourself to be in that place of unknowing … of trust? The idolatry of the false-self is centered around garnering and possessing what we need rather than trusting God as our provider.

Over the next three days, we’ll look at each of these parts of the false-self and what it might mean to move from a place of striving into rest where we are increasingly freed to worship God alone. It is out of the “enoughness” of God that our true-self emerges.

Questions for reflection: is God alone enough for me? In what ways would you say yes? In what ways would you say no?

Prayer: Lord, today I confess that in particular ways … dependence and trust in You alone has not been enough for me. And I desire deeply to live into the worshipping You alone more and more. Thank you for the grace of letting me be in process along the way. Amen. 

In the coming movement through the wilderness, God graciously and kindly desires to reveal more and more of our heart to us. While the terrain can be quite harsh on this journey, it is foundational to remember that it is His “kindness that leads us to repentance.” (Romans 2:4) Repentance is that beautiful rhythm of reflect, release, and remember which is invited as we see those parts of our heart that would lead us astray. In the overall journey from expectation to trust, this week we come to the specific movement: from striving to rest.

Striving is an energy which is grounded in the impulse that we have to control whatever is going on around us. In the cherished verse from Psalm 46, God encourages His people to “be still (or, cease striving) and know that I am God.” Why? If you read through the previous verses, you see that war and destruction was all around. The imagination of the people had gone wild, and they really believed that their world was falling apart. And what do we do when we perceive that things are out of control … that we’ve lost all semblance of power? We tend to run to things we believe will help us regain a sense of equilibrium, a sense of control.

 In 1 Corinthians 10:7, Paul writes: “Do not be idolaters as some of them were; as it is written, ‘The people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.’” The issue of the heart we are encouraged to explore this week is idolatry. For most of us, idolatry is not something on our radar. Compared to our observations of the ancient world, idolatry may not be as recognizable in our modern world because objects of false worship are generally regular, familiar parts of our everyday existence.  But even for the ancients, what seems odd to us was regular and familiar to them, and the dynamics at the heart level were the same as what we experience today. Idolatry is so dangerous because it can be hard to detect.

The incident to which Paul refers in 1 Corinthians is found in Exodus 32:1-6:

“When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, ‘Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.’ So Aaron said to them, ‘Take off the rings of gold that are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.’ So all the people took off the rings of gold that were in their ears and brought them to Aaron. And he received the gold from their hand and fashioned it with a graving tool and made a golden calf. And they said, ‘These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!’ When Aaron saw this, he built an altar before it. And Aaron made a proclamation and said, ‘Tomorrow shall be a feast to the LORD.’ And they rose up early the next day and offered burnt offerings and brought peace offerings. And the people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play.”

It’s easy to see what is going on in this passage, and yet harder to see how this might be at work in our own lives. The people had grown impatient. How often are we impatient with the work of God in our lives? How often to do we want we want … now? God may seem slow, but His timing is always perfect. We can trust in the slowness of God because He is our provider and will never leave us or forsake us. Impatience is something we might notice as an issue when idolatry is at work in our lives. And it can also be an invitation to seek God’s heart so that our desires would be furthered shaped by Him. Sit with these questions for a few minutes … where does your mind tend to go when impatience arises? Where do you tend to look when impatient?

An idol is a false god as opposed to the true God of the universe. We were created and designed to live in a dependent relationship with God (consider our reflections from last week) as the one who is everything … the sovereign One, the powerful One, the loving One, the holy One, the omniscient One. When seeking our independence, we gravitate toward things that will give us a personal grasp of those same things … control, power, love, holiness, knowledge, etc. When God isn’t coming through the way we thought He might or when we thought He would or how we thought He should, we look for other sources of the things that only God can provide. Without careful observation and reflection, we might not see that this is what is occurring because we can be on autopilot. 

We simply go to what is familiar, what seems tangible, what we believe has come through for us in the past. We see this dynamic at play in Isaiah as God invites them to rest in trusting quiet:

For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” But you were unwilling, and you said, “No! We will flee upon horses”; therefore you shall flee away; and, “We will ride upon swift steeds”; therefore your pursuers shall be swift. (vs. 15-16)

In their response, they chose familiar, tangible strength and power (horses were symbolic of power and strength in the ancient world). The contrast could not be clearer between striving to maintain control, power, and security and resting in God’s strength that comes through trust and quietness. With the words your pursuers shall be swift, God graciously reminds them that “worshiping/trusting” in the gods of this world put us in a vicious cycle. True worship comes from a heart at rest.

Confronting the idols in our lives is not easy work and we often fail, but there is grace. Just a few verses later, Isaiah reminds: “Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.” (Isaiah 30:18) The word wait brings us back again to the concept of patience. For what do you need to wait?

Questions for reflection: do you see the tendency to run to things that might give you a sense of control and power and significance? Ask God to give insight into what this might be for you.

Prayer: Lord, thank You for always pursuing my heart and desiring what connects most clearly with how You’ve made me. This week, please give me courage and wisdom to reflect well on how idolatry is at work in my life, to release what I’ve been trusting that isn’t You, and to remember that I can wait on You because Your timing is always perfect in all things. Amen. 

On Sundays, we are invited to pause in order to remember God’s goodness and His work in us on the journey thus far. In Psalm 78, the question is asked, “Can God spread a table in the wilderness?” We read later in Psalm 78 that they had forgotten His power. Take some time to remember. 

Use the following to engage in a time of examen prayer:

• Begin by quieting your heart before God and simply taking a few deep, slow breaths as you remember that you are in God’s presence. 

• Review the week with gratitude. What is the Spirit bringing to your awareness?

• Notice the ways that God has been present to you in the previous week.

• What are you thankful for? What might God want you to see that you didn’t previously notice? Perhaps a place to repent?

• Select a part of your reflection from the week to pray over.

• Pray for the coming week.

Write out a prayer of thanksgiving and celebration as you look back and look forward.